I know that I will make mistakes and that not all of my decisions will prove to be fruitful. I am an excellent counter. I love to number crunch material costs, cost per item, and production efficiency. Those things are calculable and fairly predictable. However, they are a safety blanket that can occasionally suffocate my productivity. Color combinations and material choices are something that I struggle with, at least I feel that I do, although some of my colleagues will probably disagree. Speculation as to how to price and market my books, and who may purchase them are another struggle. Technically you're only "self-employed" if you can generate enough revenue to support your needs and that of your enterprise, right?
My springback cutaway sampler, completed a few days before my show installation in early October. |
What I wasn't anticipating was the silence and the desire for distraction. The lack of patience and the self doubt. The questioning. The bird watching. The Woodwright's Shop. The Cheetos. And my bonsais.
During my MFA interview I was told that most professional bookbinders work solo, that the majority of them were kindof quirky as a result. I can see now where the quirks could come into play. I talk more to my cats now than I do to people, at least on a daily basis. But to be fair after being away for three years we have a lot of catching up to do. I'm constantly talking to myself, my materials, and my tools- more often when they're not cooperating. And more than anything I am constantly under the impression that I should be farther along than I am, that I should already have commissions, a website, business cards, a logo, a well designed blog, a business plan, and income. And income.
As of yet I've done very little socializing and networking since I've been home, professional or personal. I am rediscovering Nashville again since it's grown so much while I've been away. I am getting used to my studio and making changes so that I can more easily work and store my materials and tools, and I am learning to work alone. It is a slow process of adjustment, one that I am fully committed to.
My humble workspace. |
My pitiful hackberry seedling. |
I left a lot of people behind in Iowa that I dearly miss. Colleagues, friends, mentors, professors, my entire social, educational, and professional safety net. But I knew that before I moved. And I am here now, and so long as I grow, my safety net, my social circle, and my success here in my hometown will grow concurrently. I haven't lost my Iowa friends either, just their immediacy. And I am reconnecting with my family as well as my Nashville and East Tennessee friends.
The growth of my business, this blog, my success, and my bonsais- all of it is a slow process. One that requires time, investment, and what I am hoping my bonsais will contribute above all else, patience.